Feb 25, 2009

Celebrity Lifestyle Revealed

This week has been more exciting than I ever could have dreamed. I have been producing a LOT of snot, and I'm told it is very valuable. I intend to sell it on Ebay and pay off the mortgage with my profits. The beauty of this scheme is that I am able to produce my product at very little cost. Or, maybe I'll dry up the snot by becoming a drug addict. I won't tell you which I've been doing, but I will hint that both options might contain an element of truth. I don't want to say which parts are true though, because I worry it might not be as exciting of a blog if I do, and I don't want to cramp your styles. So, use your imaginations. Let them soar! I don't have any pictures to go along with this blog, except for from the Jazz game, so I'll periodically insert an old one to jog your creativity. Like this one from one of Tim's jobs. He is still hoping he'll end up on the cover of a construction magazine for it:

I came down with the plague on Sunday, but the big money (snot) didn't really hit until yesterday. I have been just rolling in the money since then. And the drugs. It is like I'm a celebrity, with all of this money and drugs. Tim and I were supposed to go to the Jazz game Monday night, but I had too much money to spend, so I had him go with his friend Trae instead who is not an important celebrity like me. Here is the view from their seats.
Here is a random hot dog in the stadium. Tim was cracking up thinking about how one manages to have just the hot dog fall onto the ground without the bun accompanying it.
Instead of going to the game I watched this movie called Waitress that was a Sundance movie, and it was actually quite good. Except for how it didn't star me. Obviously it should have. But, considering it didn't, you know it must have been good for me to say so.

Before I came down with the plague, we had a fun and busy weekend. Friday night we went to Fats and it was a blast. Pool is always a lot of fun for us because we are evenly matched. Neither of us has to feel bad beating the other so we can really give it our all. Tim was on a roll that night and was really cracking me up doing silly things in public. I can't really remember any examples, but he kept using these "phrases" that didn't actually make any sense. It was funny. He creamed me at pool too. Here is a picture that is not from Fats. But, it could have been.

Saturday we headed up Millcreek Canyon with the dogs to cross country ski. It apparently had melted and refrozen one too many times because we could barely control ourselves on the way down. It was nearly pure ice. I guess skiing is done for the season unless we get more snow. Which is awesome, because that means SPRING is almost officially here!! While we were out we picked up a nice cabinet for $30 that was advertised on Craigslist. We want to put in our bathroom because we don't have a cabinet in there right now. Then, Tim is going to retile the shower and floor using leftover tile from a job. Because cheap is how we roll.
We went to see Romeo and Juliet. And I have to say, I was disappointed. I just didn't remember that Romeo was such a whiny loser. I didn't remember either how he was moping about over some other chick before even meeting Juliet. There is a lot of cool dialog, but I'm just not smart enough to decipher it all in a play, I would have to actually read it. Anyway, it was kind of boring, but I guess we are more cultured and what not now or something.

Next, we had to rush to a party with a bunch of Tim's old friends. It was fun to see everyone and there was lots of good conversation to be had. I fell blissfully asleep afterward, completely unaware of what was to afflict me the next morning. And now, here I am, floating around in a haze of cold medicine drugs, marveling over how when I press my finger to the side of my nose next to my eye I can feel it squish. I am excited though, because I had run low on reading material, but yesterday I went to the library and picked out a huge stack of books that looked good. Just think of all of the new favorite authors I could discover!
Here is a picture I forgot about. After I get done working out, sometimes I'll be really into whatever show or movie I was watching so I'll sit on the stairs and finish watching it. Howard often joins me. We were sitting just like this for a good 15 minutes before Tim took the picture.
And this picture really, really doesn't belong here, but I found it on Tim's phone when I was getting the other pictures from his phone. It is from the Park City hotel where we stayed on our wedding night before we took off to Lake Tahoe. It looks like I have enormous boobs. At least one enormous boob anyway. Interesting. It must be true.

Feb 19, 2009


Lately there hasn't been a whole lot happening to blog about and I didn't want to bore my loyal fan base too much. Not to say I haven't been enjoying myself, but it has been with just the usual routine type stuff. I like me my routine, but it doesn't make for the most exciting news. For example, last weekend we went up Millcreek to cross country ski, the conditions were great because it wasn't too cold, but the snow wasn't warm enough to stick to our skis too much either. Boring, right? Yup. And then we made a trip to the DI where I found a couple of pretty sweet deals. And then I marveled over how very time I go to the DI I realize that I should never shop elsewhere unless the DI doesn't have what I want. We saw Coraline, which is a SERIOUSLY boring topic, because it was, you guessed it, boring. And depressing and dark. I guess it wasn't a total train wreck, but I found myself feeling slightly cheated. We both got too demotivated to go play pool on Valentines, so we ended up just hanging out at home instead after a run to two stores to get my annual bag of mini conversations hearts, because the first store was all out. Insanity, right? Shouldn't stores know that it isn't possible to overstock those things?

But, guess what isn't going to be boring? This coming weekend! We are going to see Romeo and Juliet at the Pioneer Theater. We also have a party to attend right after that with friends who Tim grew up with. And before the play I hope to squeeze in a run up Millcreek. Craziness! We are SO popular and busy. Then, Monday night Tim and I will finally be cashing in on the first of two Jazz games we got tickets to see for Christmas.Technically Tim is cashing in more than me, as I am sort of ambivalent about basketball. But, it will be fun I'm sure. And then my friend Sammy is coming into town for a week. So, brace yourselves, there is much exciting blogging to come in the near future. Also, Tim still has to edit the bowling video from his birthday party. THAT is going to be extremely exciting. Hopefully it doesn't cause an epidemic like The Neer Neer Song did. Speaking of The Neer Neer Song, my co worker who I showed it to decided to play it for my whole team at work in our team meeting last week, and I think they all think I'm totally bonkers now. It is so silly when people don't grasp artistic genius, isn't it?

Feb 14, 2009

Yin and Yang

In honor of this holiday I think I'll take this opportunity to get just sappy about the husband. Husband, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

You and I have a special voice and special words we use around each other. Mainly because both of us would be way too embarrassed to ever use them in front of anyone else. It is kind of like Sadie's voice, but way stupider. We still manage to outdo ourselves though and come up with ways to make it even stupider and thus more hilarious. Cute voice/word contests are the bomb.

You are hilarious and fun. You always manage to come up with new dances or songs that crack me up.

You are a sap. Not in the traditional flowers and poems for special occasions way. Actually not even in the remembering special occasions at all way. But in the every day way. You like to snuggle, you like love songs, you'll watch chick flicks with me, you like having long conversations with me, and you are so attached to our dogs, I can only imagine what a great dad you're going to make.

You think I'm a hottie just how I am when I don't do a thing to myself. I know you aren't just saying so, because you hate when I wear make up. You grimace and ask me what in the world have I done to my face. And it isn't that I'm bad at putting on make up, or put too much make up on, it is that you actually think I look better without it. And you don't think that about most women, so it isn't just that you're some kind of hippie. That is pretty flattering stuff.

And probably most importantly, you're my yang. Or, maybe my yin. Whichever you want to be I guess. I'm socially inept, you're socially awesome. You push me to get out and be more social, which I always end up having fun doing. I'm all logic, you are all compassion. I am a worrier, you are laaaiiiiddd back.

So, happy Valentine's day, and now lets go not celebrate it by playing some pool instead of spending money on each other and doing something sappy, because I know you won't remember anyway, but it is all good because see above. But, I might arrange the pool balls in a heart shape just to be festive and make a big scene out of taking a dramatic picture. You know that sounds awesome, but maybe not quite as awesome as this was:

Feb 12, 2009

The Neer Neer Video Epidemic

The Neer Neer music video has been spread over the internet to households all over the world. Shortly after exposure individuals exhibit signs of addiction such as singing the song to themselves, or being unable to stop themselves from watching the video repeatedly.
It seems that it is so highly addictive because this "drug" is carried to the brain so swiftly, and addiction can occur in less than one minute. However, after the initial "high" is over, the individual is left feeling depressed. They must watch the video again immediately, and at a higher volume and in a larger size to obtain the same high. Users begin to perform the dance moves in the video immediately, until they become dangerously thin. The video causes users to become confused and irritable:

This wreaks havoc on their personal and professional lives. Reports in the news of individuals losing their jobs over The Neer Neer song are rampant. Marriages are being broken up and health is being put at risk due to failure to eat or sleep. People are devising ways to remix the video at home, "freebasing" if you will, in attempts to create a more potent version as they become resistant to the song. These people will surely fail, because it is thought that there cannot be a more potent version. Instead, unclean versions of the song are sold to the public, causing even more side effects, and making matters even worse. Individuals have been destroying their computers, attempting to melt them down and smoke them.

The origins of this video are under investigation. It is suspected that several technology savvy terrorist groups were involved. Not only disadvantaged youth are at risk here, but any person with an intact set of eyes or ears. The government is rushing to construct a plan to save our nation. Scientists are working around the clock to create a vaccine. In the mean while, it is recommended to buy a good set of ear plugs, and to wear eye patches at all times, although, if you are reading this, it is likely that you have already been exposed. Do not panic. Instead, please unplug your computer immediately and do not leave your house until contacted by the authorities.

Feb 10, 2009

Brace Yourselves for... The Neer Neer Music Video!!!

Finally, after much anticipation from our huge fan base, please allow Laura and I to introduce, The Neer Neer Music Video*! Hold on to your seats:

*Disclaimer: no gangsters were used in the making of this music video. All gang signs being flashed are attempts to look like foolish white girls. Some people feel that we may be shot, so I am gathering data to decide whether to remove the gang signs. Your input welcome.

Feb 9, 2009

Happity Bappity Husband!

It is Tim's 30th birthday today, which is pretty cool, since 30 is the new 20. That is what I hear the rappers say anyway, and you know they know what they're talking about.

To celebrate his birthday he invited a bunch of people to go bowling on Saturday. For not inviting people until the last minute, there was quite an impressive turn out.

Tim likes to wear these old man polyester suits that he gets from the thrift store whenever the opportunity presents itself, and bowling is obviously such an opportunity. He selected an amazing silk shirt with gold plastic buttons and a pattern involving cacti, playing cards, marijuana leaves, rope, and steer horns. I thought he looked pretty funny, but he was overshadowed. On the way to the bowling ally his friend Dustin called him and said, "I sure hope this guy wandering around the parking lot is with us. He is wearing a mask." When we arrived Nate was waiting casually wearing a fat suit wrestler style costume with a matching mask made from spandex sequin material.
I'm pretty confident that no one noticed Tim's awesome silk shirt except Dustin, who noticed because as it turned out it used to be Dustin's shirt. No one knows why Tim now has it. Dustin's son Tristan wanted to put on the fat costume, and thus a trend began.
Tim sported it hillbilly style like overalls.
Several lucky people bowled wearing the suit and then Tim and I shook our booties in it. I had a lot of practice dancing as a large woman from Halloween, so I knew just how to work that. But Tim put me to shame with all of his fancy pants dance moves. We got lots of video footage and had the idea to make it into a music video set to the Lo Lo rap song, the one about how "she wore them baggy sweat pants and them Reebok's with them straps". That song rules. I just found out thought that I've been saying it wrong this whole time. Tim put himself in charge of editing the video, and it will be released soon. After that we're probably gonna have to quit our day jobs to handle all of the demand for more music videos.

I was gonna do a painting for Tim's bday. I didn't want him feeling short changed since I've been doing a painting for family members' bdays lately. But it is tough to do a surprise painting when the birthday boy keeps accidentally seeing it. And as it turns out I don't have the motivation to finish once the cat is out of the bag. At least I did make a couple of birthday cakes for the bowling party. Which I think anyone would have to admit were worth a painting. Especially because when I started writing "Happy Birthday Tim" on the white cakes with green icing the icing had some liquid leak out all over and also wasn't enough frosting to do both cakes. I really had to improvise. Note to self: green is actually not a very appetizing color. Fortunately, I took some pictures to document the splendor for anyone who missed out.
Oh, and here is Tim with the cake, note his fancy shirt.

Feb 6, 2009

The Bomb

We are going to see Flight of the Conchords in May with Laura and Ryan. Flight of the Conchords has this song called Business Time, and if you haven't seen the music video you have been cheating yourself. It is probably the most amazing music video of all time, although not for long, as it is soon to be trumped by the video that Laura and I will be releasing. I feel very confident that this will be worth your while, in fact, if you do not find it worth your while it will mean that the Earth has just spun right off of its axis and we are being sucked into the Sun for certain death. Just warning you.

Speaking of music videos, Laura and I have been working tirelessly to complete ours. Our song only ended up being 41 seconds long, so we decided we need to re-record it so as not to deprive our fans of some of the great footage we have for the music video.

Feb 2, 2009

Happy Birthday Eric!

You've always been a great brother. Here are a few of the things you've done for me or shown me:
  • You got me started on jogging, something I've become really passionate about and now feel like I could barely live without.
  • You got me started being frugal at the grocery store, showing me to carefully compare prices on all types of items in order to get the cheapest one.
  • You always spent the most time with our family dogs growing up, maybe this is where I picked up on becoming the huge dog lover that I am.
  • You took most of my wedding pictures and then went to the trouble to print the best ones out and put them in an album for me.
  • When I lived with you in the apartment if the milk was low you wouldn't drink the rest in the morning because you knew how much I love my milk.
  • You taught me how to play tennis. I don't do it enough now, but it was always fun when we played.
  • You set a good example for me about how to be successful in college. You were always showing me that I needed to crack down and spend some time studying if I wanted to do well.
  • You've always been there if I needed to talk about anything.
  • You inspire me to be more thoughtful because you're always doing sweet things like writing mother's day poems or sending me great books for my birthday, and you've never once forgotten to wish me a happy birthday.
  • I still crack up every time I remember this time we were at the secret check out stand at Fred Meyer and the checker asked us if we found everything okay, and you in this over the top English accent were like, "Oh, yes! I found everythin' on my list today!" ('Cuz that was the Fred Meyer jingle, "What's on your list today? You'll find it at Fred Meyer, you'll find it aaaaattttt Fred Meeeeyyyyeerrrrr... dun dinun dunah!" So catchy. How I miss you Fred Meyer, Smiths just isn't the same.
  • It also still cracks me up when I think about how we used to load the cart brimming full and then we'd take it up the escalator to get up to the secret check stand because neither of us wanted to waste the time waiting for the slow elevator.
Hope you enjoy the drawing of you and Patches.

All in all, I couldn't ask for more. Love ya Bobby!!
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